well FUCK you

dont tell me what to do
you're not always right
leave me ALONE

i thought i could stand you for once in my life and wanted to spend more time with you but
SCREW THAT

i cant wait to move out.

and today

I was at work while this woman and a man came. My mum seemed to know them well because they come often. I forgot the guys name but he didnt reply to any questions and he didnt seem to speak well (he seemed like he wanted to) and the woman talked on his behalf. I thought it was strange, but I tried to understand. Later mum told me that the guy was a successful doctor before but he went on a scuba diving trip and the water pressure just... screwed up his blood pressure and now he cant think as well and is just a shadow of his former self.
I felt really really bad.

ANYWAYS I was exploring the MAC website and I came up with a perfect palette that I customised. I KNOW IM GOING TO GET IT ONE DAY. One day...

The colour selection is only limited to 15 so I had to compromise a lot: I missed out Gesso (matte white) and Carbon (matte black) because I already have them, its just not from mac.

I also wanted more burgundy and plums there.. and some more nudes.. oh well this compromises perfectly... although I also wanted mulch, cork, wedge, saddle, silver ring, electra, fiction, blanc type, soba ughh I could go on and on .. I could even make a separate palette out of it.

27th of June...

My mum wants me to keep myself busy so I followed her to work and worked for a couple of hours.
omg during lunch it was SOO busy people were lining up and i was just taking orders like CRAZY argh! and it got really confusing.
anyways i didnt get to eat butter chicken with cathy so we will do that on friday.

argh i suck at chem, so i got this massive booklet for holiday assignment (couple of people got it) so I've been doing that and WL. omg so much to do

anyways our little Lulu is so much better, but I got to see her yesterday and poor thing she was shaking really badly and she couldn't jump onto the couch :(
and she pooed everywhere coz now she cant really control herself. yeah... she shat on me...
but i felt really bad she wasnt herself anymore that poor thing

OMG nooo way i just checked my phone I realised I totally missed out my flute lesson coz I was having coffee with my mum oh shiiit.

anyways I've been drinking TONS of coffee (esp. americano) at least twice a day and my mum has been taking me out for lunch, dinner, movies, cupcakes and donuts, etc. its been good.

yeah man

um last day of school wasnt great haha. We had prize giving which was quite pointless, ughh alex is so annoying. im kinda over the whole jacket thing, but she txtd me last night and i dont think ill ever treat her politely lol. i really miss my jacket ive been living in it (almost) for aaages its like she took away my shell... wtf lol

but lye is gonna help me get her fired. he asked me for all the details last night so i wrote this huge paragraph. Lol i was really angry.

i am reaaaaaally embarassed that i burst out crying in the stair case, it was just i was sooo upset (not only about the jacket) and it kinda... i couldnt hold it any more. i wanted to go to the bathroom or to ms keemans office but then haha dr iberi and my bro (won) was there so i had to explain what had happened... and then more ppl come and they see and omg .. i dont like to cry in public.

but some people were really sweet, like my bro and dr iberi tried to be understanding.. and emma talked me through thanks emma :)
in the end i went to ms keemans office with her and i talked for quite a bit.

the weather has been really bad lately :(

oh and it was acg ball friday night. the after ball moved to takapuna so no one was going to go, so I ended up not going.
ahahaha ever since our fight thing, i havent been talking to puffy at all. ugh hes so immature, like even if hes wrong, he has to shout the loudest. seriously?
plus, your ex gf can do WHATEVER she wants, you have a new gf, she has a new bf and she is welcome to do anything with him and its none of your business why are you the one mad??
far out.
great response from pkt though good job! :)
anywayysss im sick of all your drama shit, how do you even get girls seriously.
i think ill quit, your 'scandalous' life is not interesting and it just bothers me sooo bye! :)

p.s i WONT find a mechanic OR a dealer for you. i seriously dnt care and its none of my concern.

TODAY i spent my day with my mum and sis. we had nice coffee and cupcake session and the cake stall, then i had consulting for like ... 2 hours.. mostly talking about irrelevant shit but argh yeah i know my grades are bad :(
but i dont realy deserve to be sad about it coz i know i didnt put any effort in.

and then we had dinner in this korean restaurant in takapuna, and then we watched green lantern...
it was okay.. not the BEST movie i saw tbh it was just average. i wudnt watch it again.
blake lively was in it and omg she was soooo gorgeous in it. okay, the graphics were kinda shit.

urban outfitters has some amazing stuff and i think my mum wants me to order some clothes from it and i really hope she does! i really want this 99 tie jeffrey campbell boot as well, but not sure!
and it had the cutest rings.. ive been really into rings lately and i want them really bad!

oh and my sat score came out but not sure if im.. satisfied. but im really not sure if ill be taking it again, jsut because i cant be bothered.

haha.

i dont know how to break this to you nicely, so i wont.

you're not hot,
so please, stop acting like you are.
thanks.

sincerely, all other people who heard what you said at allens.

holy shit

seriously do you have nothing else to bitch about anymore that you bitch about your own gf and now me.??
far out.
i hate guys who gets pissed off at the smallest things and hold grudges for ages.
what are you? a little bitch?
just for the record, not everything i say is about you, and not everything i say is intended BAD. you always twist it and take it the wrong way.
anyways the things i say to you arent insulting. you just take it as an insult. if someone said it to me, i wouldnt see ANY malice in it.
i cant believe you get angry over NOTHING.
you're just like the girls who hold grudges and act all drama.
btw, the thing about your ex gf, its true.
stop being so immature.
forgive and forget. thats what im doing.

btw, stop caring about your reputation so much. its already shit anyways.
youre not THE SITUATION yur just like everyone else. for fucks sake.

i know you will never read this but one day i HOPE YOU DO.
again, grow a dick.

im just not saying any of these to you because it will ruin our friendship, and i would love to forgive you, which im sure i will over some time.
but if you do it again, i wont just bitchslap you.

now fuck off and die. for now.

moments in life

Automatically waking up at 5am and seeing the state of my room.

Making cheesecake for mum for mothers day

Jia Wen (Lam)'s bday. Sophie brought amazing cupcakes for her

At nandos with wingo and alex: first time I managed to open a sprite bottle myself.

Eating dinner with hyang joo and ju young :)

Beautiful Himali on her bday before the bday concert: in the common room

CUPCAKES we bought today at petal! The flavours are peach, red velvet and maple syrup.

and the sun shines

It was great to take a break today..
I didn't sleep at all last night.. and my Jap teacher will come in an hour but I still have plenty of time.

I called and talked to Cathy on skype for about two hours. I am so glad we had that talk.
To my surprise, we both think extremely alike and we both hope for the same.
We both went through the same thing and she is the first person in such a long time to understand me so well I was quite... shocked. and happy :)

I am slowly picking up some motivation to do things.
Currently I'm studying for JLPT, and on Sunday I will gain 5 hours of creativity for dance!
I'm going to do some random first aid course in the holidays so that I can fill up my service hours and hopefully finish CAS once and for all!

YES.
and I set up a daily plan for my holidays so I know I'm on the right track and I'm starting to feel more hopeful about next term.
My friend in korea is being a bit cold so I was a little disappointed coz I wanted to talk to him about lots of things but oh well he does have his own life and he should be busy with it.

just hoping

I didn't go to school today so I was super duper happy.
I spent the whole day watching videos with my mum (watching people singing)
and ate cool stuff.

But I got a bad news. Lulu (my family friends dog that our family considers as our pet) is really sick, she cant use her hindlegs properly :(
the vet said that there is a high chance that those will be paralysed and if they do, she'll have to be put down
I couldn't believe it. I knew that dog for about 9-10 years ever since she was a baby and it never occurred in my mind that she will leave us one day.
I'm really hoping that she gets better but I also don't want to hope too much.
I remember I used to take her out for walks and play around with her, and sometimes she would sleep beside my heater loool.
I'm going to miss her so much if she goes :(

ugh I can't find a photo of her right now but there are plenty on my phone
shes super cute shes a long haired chihuahua :(
and I remember when she was young she used to hop around.. kinda like a deer lol

...

i don't hate you... its just..
if you were on fire, and i had water, i'd drink it.

xP

i wanna make many changes in my life but i know they're all impossible to make.
i know its impossible.. it just cant happen. no matter how much i try, it will not happen unless something extremely weird happens.

i want longer legs?
if some random successful surgery was invented and i could become taller with longer legs maybe.. but for now, no. imposs.

i wanna move school?
too late i want to go to senior but ill probably fail cambridge.

i want to stop HL chem and do something else?
too late. = =

i wanna stop IB
too late = =

i wanna graduate NOW
impossible

i want a job
not now probably wont have time until i graduate or something

i dont wanna go to school tomorrow
how much more can i wag now anyways?

i wanna go to korea NOW.
impossible... we didn't book tickets and im busy

i wanna see my friend... i miss him hes one of the few people i really talk a lot to
impossible.... hes halfway across the world in korea.. well about 11 hour flight away..


but one day... maybe except moving skuls thing and stopping HL chem.. one day when the time passes i will
- visit Korea whenever I want
- get a job
- forget about AIC and move on with life as if AIC never really happened
- lose more fat

yes  i will.

LMAO

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

이때까지 눈밑에웃을때마다 튀어나오는게 애교살로 알고있었는데 실은 다크서클이 너무심해서 그래보인거임 ㅠㅠㅠ
이렇게 알콩달콩 즐거운 내인생.

즐즐즐즐ㅈㄷㄹ즏르즈랃줒ㄷ하ㅜㅎ;재덯

아... 슬프다.. 정말루.... 힘들다.. 힘빠진다... 싫다.. 너무나도 싫다 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Catching up posts is hard.

My sister got shatter by OPI so I had that for a while (over my silver nail polish) but I got sick of it coz it started to look like burnt tinfoil but here was the look although I erased it:

Hahaha I took it with Photobooth on my laptop argh I am so lazy with everything.

School sucked. Like there is nothing to do!

Got our results back and they were all shit.

I hate my school I hate the people there (most of them)

Not much this week, actually I am drifting away from my friends but I only think it's natural.

It's sad but it happens all the time

On Friday, I woke up at 2 so I skipped school. I think Ms Keeman gave up on me or something oh god.

Anyways, I met up with Debbie and Himali and had a nice chat. I was such a pig I had a chocolate cake, a mince and cheese pie and apple juice while my friends just stuck to modest cup of coffee. haha

We talked shit loads.. about friends, life, people, the ball (coz its the ball season), they wanted me to come to their ball and the grammar ball but frankly I could NOT be fucked, and parents and sex.

It was such a good catch up, we werent together for ages so it made me feel really happy. It was good to have someone to talk to about everything.

Lately I spend most  of my time browsing fashion sites like Nastygal and going on simsimhe.com

It's like a korean website for super bored people. simsimhe means 'I'm bored' in korean..

and they have the most HILARIOUS shit it made me crack up for ages.

But I still felt lonely. I couldn't deny it even when I was reading those hilarious and interesting posts, I couldnt deny my loneliness there is something wrong with me.

Queen's Bday Wknd 1v

We had to drop Mikaela off downtown where her bus was.
while waiting we saw a kelly tarlton shark bus and began to CRACK UP because josh crashed his car into it not so long ago.

Anyways after Mikaela left me and mum had a shopping session in New Market.
Spent loads of money but in the end I got a leather jacket, a top, a pencil skirt, pants, a dress and a blazer. I was so happy. She was also going to buy me Pixie by Jeffrey Campbells but we didnt' like the zip at the back so nah screw it.

Ahh!! I love my new clothes.

Queen's Bday Wknd 111

We had a catch up with Kim, Roxy, Josh, Nick and Gabbi.
Unfortunately Ali couldn't make it as she;s out of the country
and Max is in Queensland
Nic is in Christchurch and Sarah is in Invercargill and John is in Nelson oh well.
We went to the movies. I didn't want to watch Hangover 2 for some reason so me Mikaela and Roxy didnt buy a ticket. But we went in anyway.

During the movie, Mikaela was like 'omg they're staring at us' and WTF the workers were counting people and stuff. So me, mikaela were like MIKAELA NEEDS TO PEE AND I'LL GO WITH
and ahahaha roxy came along WTF we were like it wont work for you man you're a boy.

Anyways we got kicked out, so us three went and played pool and waited. I saw Alissa with her mum.
We actually stayed around until quite late. I bought a skirt in glassons but later I returned it coz it was shit.

At night I got to talk to my friend I haven't talked to in a while he called me on Skype and made me happy :)

Other than that, just watched TV shows and went to sleep

Queens Bday Wknd 11

Oh my god haven't been on blog for ages so I will have to catch up defs.
Okay so, I took my SATs which went okay.. it took so long! grrrr
and then I came home and Mikaela was taking a shower she just woke up so she didnt miss out much.
We then went to New Market and watched Xmen. And there was TONY STONEM in it!! Ahhh!

was so happy

Then we went window shopping and went to that vietnamese noodle place for dinner.
We got a pot of tea and put some weed in it and made some weed tea.
It wasn't that effective we had like a whole pot full for ourselves and finally managed to make ourselves a little happy but no buzz. It was more effective than smoking it though.

I didn't do ANY work that day.

We come home take out and drink all the cruisers, turned the music up super loud and was reading some hilarious posts in unfriendable.com
My sister also invited her friend I still don't know her name.

Anyways at like 1am me and mikaela sneaked off to  One Tree Hills I wanted to roll a joint but it was too windy everything was blowing away :(

So we just did some smirnoff shots got buzzed and went on the swings like a mean bitch.

Then we came home, watched TV shows and we just fell asleep.

Queen's Bday Wknd 1

Okay Mikaela is in Auckland!!! So I went to pick her up.
Before she arrived though, I bought some alcohol and this weed blend thing (Marihuanilla), rolling paper and some slim filters woohoo

Me, Mikaela and my sister had fantastic dinner at Bosco Verde, I took pictures but they all came out blurry so I didn't bother uploading it.

We're gonna hav a bitchin time. But first, I have June SATs to take tomorrow grrrrrrrrrrrr
after this, I'm going to be sooo excited! yay! freedom!
and I hope it comes out well... if it doesnt then I can take the October ones again so I don't mind that much, but it puts a lot of pressure for this October, in middle of all the Uni apps argh